How It Should Have Ended
What is the point of all those push ups if you can't even lift a bloody log?

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So just saw the amazing spider-man, and I couldn't help noticing a significant plothole. Here's an idea for a HISHE short. Caution: Spoilers.
(Captain Stacey gets pierced by the Lizard's claws, Spider-Man frantically climbs up the tower and takes the toxin out, replacing it with the antidote. The Lizard changes back and Spider-Man swings down to Captain Stacey.)
Spidey: Captain Stacey! We did it! You were wrong about me being a rash vigilante, right?
Captain: No, I was right after all.
Spidey: Wait what?
Captain: You left me to fight an invincible dinosaur by myself!
Spidey: But sir, the town needed the antidote!
Captain: How many people got infected? Like five? And it's not like they were actually a threat to the town. If you're going to send my daughter to Oscorp where you know the Lizard is headed, why not have her destroy the emission device and worry about the antidote later? The toxin even wears off on its own after a while!
Spidey: Yeah, I guess that was kind of a mistake...
Captain: Speaking of my daughter, stay away from her.
Spidey: Hey! Me and Gwen have a really deep relationship!
Captain: (Skeptically) Really?
Spidey: Yeah, I mean, it got started quick sure, but we've been through a lot. I fought her tutoree, got one of her interns kicked out, didn't even have the courage to ask her out, fought with you when we first met, made out, told her I'm spiderman, made out, told her to go on a suicide mission, made out. Yeah, we made out a lot. That's probably the basis of our relationship.
Captain: I rest my case.
Spidey: Listen, I'll make it up to you!
(Shoots his webs into the claw wounds)
Captain: What was that for?
Spidey: I dunno, apparently webs cure gunshot wounds. It was worth a shot.
Gwen: You didn't even come to my dad's funeral.
Peter: Girl, my uncle didn't even have a funeral.


TheMissDudette's picture

This would be a  great HISHE for this movie!!!

2x2handsOfBlue's picture

1) Right after Peter gets bitten, he calls out to Gwen, who's walking away.
"Uh, Gwen? Something just bit me, and I think it's one of the experimental genetically enhanced spiders from the top-secret lab where I was just poking around. D'you think I should find someone in charge and tell them in case they're deadly?"
"... I would recommend doing that, yes."
(seriously, he's a scientific genius but he doesn't know spider bites can be dangerous?)
2) When the toxin-dispersing device reads out "detonation in T minus two minutes" Curt Connors pokes a few buttons and it says "detonation in T minus right now" and launches the green gas into the atmosphere while Spiderman is still climbing up there.
Also, the web doesn't "cure" gun shot wounds. He was just using it as a bandage.

Time_Traveller's picture

I think this would be a good one to do but combine Spiderman movie with the Amazing Spiderman and see who's better?

2x2handsOfBlue's picture

3) When Chief Stacey and his lackey are talking about how Spiderman's "not a vigilante, he's an anarchist," and the lackey mentions that all the guys Spiderman takes out are suspects, maybe he adds;
"Weird - they all seem to match the same basic description. Maybe he's after someone in particular? So, if we check our records for recent crimes involving a guy matching that description, maybe that'll give us a clue who he is? Also, a bunch of them say he was checking their wrists, like for a mark or something. That outta narrow it down."
"Good idea, lackey! we can cross-check that with records of people bulk-buying red and blue spandex bodysuits - seriously, he must go through a lot of them - and bam! We've got him!"
PS I would vote new over old. Not that I don't like Raimi's version - I do - but this one just rings a little truer (for example, not once in three films are Peter's missing parents referenced. Not one time. Isn't that unusual in comic books? Dead or absent parents are usually the character's main motivation.), plus Peter is both more of a smartarse AND more likeable (it helps that Andrew Garfield can act).
Anyway, I hope they do this one, it'd be nice to see Spiderman in the café instead of just fever-strutting past.

leo6000's picture

well actually the webs isnt a cure for a gun wound, if not for the help of crane operators most likely the spiderman would ended up the blood stain on the streets of "NY-LA".

SebastianMichaelis's picture

I love your ideas. Here's how I would've done it...
This letter from an expensive lawyer arrives at Spider-man's home the day after the appropriate part in the movie:
Mr. Spider-Man,
I have been approached by Oscorp who have noticed that you are using one of their products without their consent.
They ask that you cease your current activities concerning this product and desist from using said item in the future.
Any additional usage will result in legal action. We ask that you carefully consider your available monies versus ours
regarding this possibility. Thank you.

I can see part of the Cafe discussion in my mind:
Batman: Soooo...another reboot?
Spidey: Ch'yeah, like you never had one.
Superman: Your Uncle Ben didn't even get to say his one memorable line this time.
Spidey: But at least Sandman wasn't involved this time. And I lost those creepy wrist-glands Raimi gave me. (Brrr!)
Batman: So are they just going to keep rebooting til they get it right? How many times are audiences going to have to spend a quarter or a half of every movie waiting for you to get a spider bite and make a costume? I think they get the origin story by now.

Legacy's picture

For this scene to work spiderman would have to enter the cafe. If spiderman does go inside they would have to make it the center of the short, or at least a very important part.

Joe Young's picture

I came from China,and my English is really poor.To improve my English,I want to get the HISHE videos with Chinese words,thanks everybody.Make friends with me.
                                                Your new friend from east

leo6000's picture

Spiderman, "finaly the reboot that I can be proud of"
Superman "congrats"
Batman "did you hear the news" 
Spiderman "what news?"
Batman "my new reboot is coming up"
Superman "huh?"
Spiderman "Why?" 
Batman "Because Im Batman!" 

ImmaWizBro's picture

This would be such a good HISHE. And fyi, I don't think the web cured the wound, I think it just made the pain more bearable. 

RASP0224's picture

And I like the idea of Spider-Man talking about the re-boot but instead of mentioning his mention batman he's had a ton of re-boots