This is an idea for a "HISHE Presents" a bit like a HowToGuide/TheAlienAttackHISHE/ZombielandRules idea:*Yes, some these are a bit plagaristic of Zombieland*  How To Survive A Zombie APOCALYPSE: Introduction: “There are certain rules. One must abide in order to successfully survive a Zombie Apocalypse.”   *These instructions are mostly for viral based zombie apocalypse scenarios     1. Double Tap: You’re better safe than sorry. A Zombie Apocalypse is not the time to get stingy with your bullets. 2. Know Your Zombies: It is important to remember that all zombies have characteristics you can take advantage of: a.      Severing the top of the spinal column or massive trauma to the brain is the most effective methods of killing a zombie. TRANSLATION: “You mean shoot them in the head.” b.      Some zombies have a fear of fire. Now this may tempt you to pick up the first flamethrower your find but these have some serious disadvantages which will be covered later. c.       They’re slow, they’re strength is masses. Hit and Run: total guerrilla warfare shit. Don’t fall in to this “Send wave after wave of my own men” (- Futurama) mind set. d.      Remember, Zombies are either going "Oooaaaggghhh..." in big groups or as stealthy and silent as ninjas, just waiting for you to relax. There is no middle ground. 3. If you’re infected, don't give up hope. There is always an anti-virus. Never where you want it to be, always where you expect it to be. And never in tablet form. a.      Infection can take hold from between 10 minute to 24 hours. It probably varies on metabolism and the amount of excursion speeds up the process. Hence the dramatic and much clichéd turning into zombie during an ambush scenario. 4. Be Prepared. Don’t just have a gun. Have a knife. You DO NOT want to get caught in situation as is presented in Rule 13.             a. Have lots of rope. Rope has an infinite number of uses. It’s good stuff, keep it around.                 b. Get a parachute. Parachutes have a habit of being insanely helpful.                 c. Binoculars also. Are incredibly helful.                 d. Think outside the box. Find your inner MacGyver. You’re inner Bear Grylls. Almost anything is a weapon. 5. Rock Out: When fighting zombies, always try to be listening to rock or metal. It helps don’t ask me why. It just does. 6. Know Your Way Out: Strategic camps and shelters are key to survival: a. Have exits. You DO NOT want to be forced into this “Hold the fort as long as you can, and send wave after wave of your own men” situation.             b. Get to high ground. ZOMBIES CANNOT CLIMB VERY WELL AT ALL. Trees, however, are a BAD idea. See Rule 6a.                 c. Have lookouts. Have a cycle of approximately 3 hours per turn. And everyone else should sleep with their gun. 7. Never Forget Rules 1-6. And Rule 7 for that matter. 8. You Can’t Run On Bullets, Petrol, and Zombie Guts. So here are some guidelines: a. Zombies are enemies, not food. No matter how tempting, (and honestly its surprisingly not that tempting), DO NOT eat zombie flesh. Bad idea. Half a mouldy, grimy, rusty, six week old, mud-covered pig foot that apparently used to be a gum boot times Seriously bad times Staggeringly revolting times Wow, that’s nasty is the kinda taste we are tryna get across here.             b. Food and water can be hard to come by, so store up what you can.             c. COKE! Step 1 – Get a car (Rule 9). Step 2 – Get a tow rope. Step 3 – Find that Coke machine! 9. It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint. Unless it’s a sprint, then sprint. 10. Pimp Your Ride: Cars are often a crucial part of surviving a Zombie Apocalypse. I mean you can sleep in it. Run over zombies with it. Tow a Coke machine with it ;). a. Get a car. If you don’t have one, hot-wire one. If you don’t know how, find a hot chick who can. If no success there, read Hot-Wiring Cars For Dummies. b. Pimp It Out. I’m talking Death Race style. I want Scythes on the wheels. Machine Guns mounted on the doors and roof. Red Bull Bars (Yeah, you know what I’m thinking). Industrial flamethrower mounted on the hood. Use your imagination. 11. Bigger Isn’t Always Better: “I’ll have a flamethrower and 3 of those C4 charges, thanks.” Can you guess what this guy’s problem is? Here are some important notes to remember when choosing your weapons for the Zombie Apocalypse: a. Melee WeaponsThe most effective personal combat melee weapons are Chainsaws, Machetes, Quarterstaffs, and Shovels. b. The Killing Power to Weight/Functionality Ratio: You are faced with the option of a baseball bat or shovel, which do you choose? What about C4 charge or a concussion grenade? Answer: Shovel, less wait, cutting edge, even balance. And concussion grenade: true it’;s less killing power, but grenades are simply more realistic. 12. If You Are Out Of Bullets, DON’T THROW THE GUN!             a. It is a waste of a perfectly good gun. b. The Venture Bros: “I have more bullets you know. You gotta stop doing that!” “I know. It just looks so cool.” "Well, go get it!" -The Venture Bros. c. Lack of achievement. When faced with zombies, throwing your gun at them really doesn’t do much. 13.  Get Zombie Stilts. Period. They're only $99.99 from the HISHE website, including Shipping & Handling. "And what if I buy it here?" "Well it ships from somewhere else doesn't it? And I've been handling it."                 a. They’re awesome.             b. They have chainsaw feet attachments. 14. The Masked Legend: A legend tells of a great man (Bill Murray) who almost survived an entire zombie apocalypse. 15. Don’t Have The Name Myrtle Augustus. If anyone in your group has that name, kill them. That is, if they’re not already dead. 16. The Dress Code: a. Black is always the new black. b. Nothing goes better with black than black c. When in doubt, put on black. 17. If In Doubt, Frag Out 18. If In Doubt, Shuffle Your Way Out (- LMFAO). You don’t ACTUALLY have to kill every zombie you see. But remember, you’re never running from a zombie, you’re always just attacking in the opposite direction. 19. Avoid Making Out. That is when you’re at your most vulnerable that’s when they strike. However, there is something strangely immortal about a make out scene during an action sequence. 20. Don’t go into the cellar. Scratch that: NEVER go into the cellar. In the EXTREME situation when this is necessary (e.g. there is a SERIOUSLY hot chick down there – who you have confirmed IS NOT already a zombie) follow these steps: a. TURN ON THE FRICKING LIGHT!! b. Rule 5. DON’T LET THE FRICKING DOOR CLOSE ON YOU! c. DO NOT rely solely on the light switch. Take a torch. The electrical wiring in cellars is notoriously bad.                 d. ABSOLUTELY NEVER Go into a cellar if the title of the movie is Don’t Go Into The Cellar. 21. Forget Klondike Bars. GET… A …TWINKY!!